Brew Biz: Werts and All

Written by Ken Carman

Topic: Seasonal Beers

There are some things I simply have never been able to understand.

Examples…

1. Sports- It’s not that I didn’t have enough of it: my first school system was sports nuts, especially football. My second less so, though soccer was a pretty big focus. But it’s almost like I simply don’t have the gene. I don’t care and I find discussions a snoozefest. Sports talk radio? Huh? But this is me. My father was the same way. Genetic, I swear.

2. Gambling- Again: I simply don’t have the gene. The lights are boring and obviously put up to distract the easy distracted. I’ve put one or two coins in a one arm bandit and felt cheated, and I was the one who just cheated myself.

3. Soap Operas- There’s enough yelling, screaming and angst in life. Why would I want to add more by watching something so poorly scripted the same scenarios, slightly varied, happen over and over? I don’t care if Mary is dorking Jed. That’s between them, their spouses and whatever deity they may believe in. Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear it.

4. Seasonal beers.

Since Brew Biz is about beer, and late December has some of my favorite seasonal beers, that will be our topic.

I could drink Barley Wines, spiced ales, Russian Imperials and Imperial IPAs every day of the year. Summer wheats? Eh, I’d rather avoid, though if you put me on a judging table: wheat/weizen table, that might be a better choice. I have firm opinions about the first group that don’t necessarily match what should be a highly scored Russian Imperial, for example. I have no opinion regarding wheat beers, except I’d rather not drink one if pleasure is the purpose.

The argument is that during the summer everyone wants a lighter beer. No, I’d rather have something that distracts me from all that humidity and heat. But that I’d rather have any month, any day, despite the conditions outside. I enjoy the taste, the feel, the complexity.

A Belgian/Flemish sour? Eh, interesting, but I’d still rather have something from my first list. And when it comes to Coors/Bud/Miller etc. etc. etc. I’d rather avoid them all together though, once again, I’ll bet I’d do a damn good job in competition judging it.

Besides what does weather have to do with taste? Not much, unless you want something to drink while you’re running a lawnmower, as in a “lawnmower beer.” Since my reconstructed left foot owes that reconstruction to a lawnmower accident in the mid-60s, I’d bet you already know my opinion regarding getting word “lawnmower” anywhere near “beer.” Think I’d rather have to deal with avoiding a drunk driver than a drunk chasing me with a Bolens.

Now if you select your beer due to what activity you’re about to be involved in next, and relate that to how much you want to consume, well I understand drinking lighter. But I’d still rather drink more tasty and drink less, since my taste veers towards extreme. And I think you need to seriously consider what that activity is and whether you should drink anything and be involved in that activity.

I entertain kids for a living, and do educational activities as well. There’s a movie called Uncle Buck where Uncle Buck punches a clown who arrives as the entertainment for a kid’s party, and the clown is soused. I would be tempted to be just like Buck if you drank beer did that. I don’t drink then perform: ever.

And if you disagree, that’s your right. Drink what you like: any time you like: no matter what the season or those who push what they consider “proper etiquette” might suggest.

Just don’t drink stupid. Don’t forget there are always hungry lawnmowers and people like Buck and Ken out there you might have to deal with.

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Brew Biz: Werts and All, is a column dedicated to review, discuss and comment on all things beer including, but not limited to: marketing, homebrewing and homebrew/beer related events, how society perceives all things beer. Also: reviews of beer related businesses, opinions about trends in the beer business, and all the various homebrew, judging and organizations related to beer. Essentially, all things “beer.”