Scribe’s Stupid Beer Report’

“Cause some ‘brewers’ would rather be brew whores than actually go Irish.”

Green beer. Can you think of a more asinine idea? (Is “Ass in Nine” some foolish member of the Borg collective?)

Take a pissy lager or ale, add food coloring, and claim you’re being Irish for St. Patty’s Day. May the blessed ghost of the Saint eat your liver for lunch on the sacred day. May he henceforth place copious amounts of phenolics and DMS into every beer a brewer brews whose only “Irish” offering is Irish by food coloring only.

The Irish icon of beer, whether it be Guinness or Murphys or the other lesser known in the States, be BLACK. And TASTY. Some be red. But NOT fake green.

Why Scribe’s not even Irish, for the most part, and he’s offended. It’s like putting excrement in the candy you hand out Halloween, or wrapping up a can of dog food for Christmas per kid. Drinking green beer on St. Patty’s is like sneaking Tang into the holy water and then blessing yourself with it, or demanding the priest use “those little yellow fishys,” instead of communion wafers.

WORSE, actually, because, Scribe hates to tell you after all those years making up crap like “transubstantiation,” but it’s REALLY NOT the blood and the body of Christ. Hell, it’s not even wine, and hardly bread or even a wafer. About as tasteless as, well, GREEN BEER.

And green beer has nothing to do with celebrating St. Patty’s. Have a Guinness, Murphy’s, or Smithwicks if you must. But if you insist, when the Bobbie stops you and tests you at 3am, Scribe has an Irish “blessing” for ya…

May you blow or piss green.

Or is that an Irish curse?

Picture courtesy planetgreen.discovery.com