Ye Olde Scribe Presents Beer Blather

Go to almost any beer site or publication and you’ll run into these claims. Long lists of odd items a beer is supposed to taste like, some of them very weird, funny, yet not the nice kind of “gag” if the damn stuff actually tasted like that. Then you have the fact that the claim a beer has a banana sense that screws actual beers with banana, or at least a yeast that has that characteristic. The attempt is to make beer more wine like with “fine” descriptions that really don’t have a #@!% thing to do with that style of beer. Looks like FUN!!! So Scribe thought he’d try his had at this “unique” style of writing. Thanks to Namraknec for the great mock bottles, since this IS a beer-critique-mockumentary, of sorts. Now as far as Scribe knows neither the breweries or the beer exist, any brewer is free to use these names for their brewery or beer. If you DARE.

The Brewer: The bin Laden Brewery

The Beer:  Smoked and Boiled Baby, bee-atch 5

Boiled Baby tingles the tongue as you cry out more more like a lost child in a WalMart. Crying because you found him and want to take him home. He thinks he is home.

Carbonation, in part, causes the tingle. Or maybe just the diaper hasn’t been changed. Boiled Baby is best aged for that extra aged dirty diaper sense, and extra phenols. Both fruit and vegetable sense: carrots, peas, green beans, squash, orange, milk (yours if you’re Mommy) all smeared into a delightfully brown beverage that’s laced with chunks of wholesome left over Gerber goodness. All roasted over refined camel dung.

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From the Bottle Collection

Without intent, I have collected well over 1,000 beer bottles since the early 70s. When something finally had to be done about the cheap paneling in this old modular, I had a choice. Tear down the walls while, oh, so carefully, replacing the often rotted 1X3s. Or: cover them with…

…The Bottle Collection.

Written by Ken Carman

I remember this even though it came and it went from the shelves I visit quickly, probably because how indistinct it was. How promising it was. A buckwheat ale? Yum. Those of us with fond memories of buckwheat pancakes as kids couldn’t wait to get into… a rather bland, pasty, hop-less, one dimensional quaff?

This is a Belgium import. Brewed by Brasserie De Silenrieux. Belgium? Really? They usually do better than this.

Looking over various reviews on the net I noticed inconsistency pretty much ruled, and not just in taste, but in color, nose and consistency. Since From the Bottle Collection is, by definition, a very past tense commentary, I can’t provide all that, but obviously there’s some production problem and maybe a shipping problem. Both?

Some described it as Flemish sour-like. A few were “bland,” like my reaction. Others “sweet and spicy,” others… well, you get the point. Scores were all over the place.

It’s hard to fairly judge a beer when it either doesn’t ship well or there’s a production problem.

Thomas Jefferson’s Beer Returns

Note: it uncertain how much brewing T.J. actually did. His wife did brew. And he had a slave-brewmaster: Peter Hemings, related to the famous Ms. Sally Hemings, his supposed slave-mistress. Look to the previous post for more information.

From AP and FOX News

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. – Thomas Jefferson’s mountaintop home is teaming up with a local brewery to launch a new ale inspired by the past.

The Thomas Jefferson Foundation says it’s working with Starr Hill Brewery to offer Monticello Reserve Ale, inspired by what was produced and consumed regularly at Monticello.
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Thomas Jefferson and Beer

Research from

At Monticello, beer [1] was a “table liquor” served during dinner, and Jefferson’s earliest designs for his plantation included spaces for brewing and the storage of beer.

In the spring of 1812, while tensions grew between the United States and Great Britain, Jefferson was enjoying his retirement from public life at Monticello. Construction was under way on the brick garden pavilion, and Jefferson embarked on the scientific pursuit of brewing beer – the kind of experiment that he relished. Using malt purchased from his neighbor William Meriwether and hops bought locally, Jefferson was apparently successful in the first brewing attempt at Monticello since his wife had made beer some forty years earlier. On May 12th he instructed his overseer to “bottle the beer.”

Reproduction of clay and glass bottles from fragments found at MonticelloReproduction of clay and glass bottles from fragments found at Monticello

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“Bottoms Up” Upside Down Beer Tap

Written by Tara Allen for

WASHINGTON STATE – If you’ve ever missed a big play because you were stuck in a long beer line, then one Washington state man has the answer for you. Josh Springer built a tap which fills a beer upside down. The tap fills special cups with a hole and magnet to open and seal the beer at super speeds.

It can fill up to 56 beers per minute.

The “bottoms up” tap is at several spots around the country, including the Thomas and Mack Center in Las Vegas. Springer says he hopes to have it go all the way from Montesano to Madison Square Garden.

The “Hop Crisis” Revisited

Hops from Jordan Family Farms

Posted by pb Rick at

It’s been three years now since the beer world became familiar with the term Hop Crisis and a lot has been said about the causes and consequences of it since then. On one hand we remember the initial reports blaming the crisis on a perfect storm of catastrophes in the hop world: the warehouse fire in Washington; a devastating hail storm in Europe; growing demand; fewer acres. What followed this storm was a controversial and mostly ignored period where brewers were strongly persuaded into long term contracts with farmers at astronomical prices, creating a miniature boom in hop farms in the United States. With the wonders of hind-sight we can now rationally look back at the crisis that was and hopefully learn to avoid the crisis that is coming.

The Perfect Storm
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Brew Biz: Werts and All

Ken Carman is a BJCP judge; homebrewer since 1979, club member at Escambia Bay and Music City Homebrewers, who has been interviewing professional brewers all over the east coast for over 10 years.

Pensacola Bay Brewing
225 E. Zaragoza Street
Pensacola, FL 32502
(850) 434-3353

There’s only one thing I like as well as being proven wrong regarding my more cynical opinions; that’s being proven right when I know damn well what I’m being told is counter-intuitive. Such is the case with Pensacola Bay Brewing. I was told for years that a microbrewery in Pensacola was such a legal nightmare it simply wasn’t possible. I even offered to help, back in my days when my aging back hadn’t smirked and said, “No lifting, no standing, no sitting, no kneeling, no laying in one place for any significant period of time… now have fun, Ken!!!”

A micro in Pensacola?

“Just won’t happen.”

Two guys responded, “Oh, yeah?” …November 4th, 2010.

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World Beer Festival

Written by Fraendy Clervaud for

COLUMBIA (WACH) – Today, Saturday, hundreds of beer lovers flocked to the Columbia Convention Center (South Carolina) to take part in the 2011 World Beer Festival.

The festival was hosted by “All About Beer Magazine.”

Organizers said the event was all about the culture of beer.

“We are excited to bring our World Beer Festival to Columbia, where there is a burgeoning beer culture,” said Daniel Bradford, Publisher of All About Beer Magazine. “Columbia has an excited beer community that is eager to share the new beer experiences our World Beer Festival provides.”

The festival featured featured 200 varities of craft brews made by more than 80 brewers.

Food from a variety of local restaurants was also available.