Category: Beer

Photo courteous Moosicorn Note “ProAm” is a beer competition with both pro and amateur brewers entering.

Rewritten with Christmas Love by Ye Olde Scribe

Twere the night before ProAm, when through the brew house
The brewer was heard stirring, trying to find a mouse.
Mickey and his family had decided upon a dare,
To swim in the serving tank now he’s stuck in there.

The brewer decided not to go to bed,
Would plums cover that bad taste of boiled mouse head?
Cause tomorrow he had to enter this crap
He was so tired he wanted to just take a nap

When outside the brewhouse there arose such a clatter,
He wonder what the hell what was the matter.
Near where his coat was there was a flash,
“Did someone light up my OTHER private stash?”

Out the window there was a lot of yellow snow
The hot stream fell Santa yelled, “Look out below!”
It had turned into ice and so did appear,
A falling sleigh and those eight mangy reindeer.

With a drunken holler, an alcoholic hic!
He saw a falling and flailing St Nick.
And before he hit oh how the curses they came
As he called each and every reindeer by name!

“Damn you Flasher! Pole Dancer! Gay Prancer and that Vixen!
Vanish! Comet! Stupid Cupid! I’m so Blitzened!
You made me fall and land on my Christmas balls!
Now after Xmas I’ll be as dead as most Malls!”

Out the brewery door the bewer did fly,
To save his beer he knew that he had to try
Into the tank Santa, his deer and snow flew,
Cause he knew Santa’s had lotsa good beer too

So with twinkling, and a few magical poofs
And also an addition of 32 little tasty hoofs
When the Pro Am competition came around,
A secret recipe first place in show was found.

It is Christmas Day and the brewer awakes
His OTHER stash is gone cause that’s what it takes
To dream such a demented dream one must be cracked
Tasting his brew he thought, “Nothing that beer lacked”

But tho next week it made pubsters so merry!
It also gave all of them dysentary
A while ago he’d asked, “Where’d my MAIN stash go?
But now he knows just why this ale’s white as snow

And THAT’S when the FDA and the cops showed up.

One Bottle Collection beer for every day before Christmas. Rating system: not actually meant as a “tense” comment. All these beers either don’t exist anymore, or I tasted in the past. Hopefully, if not so hot before, they’re better now. If they do still exist. Or hopefully, if not better they’re as dead as the… Dickens.

Note: the ghosts have varied a bit over the various versions, but even Mr. Magoo’s version the Future was bleak. In the pictures chosen for this series the most visually pleasing ghost was Present.

Ghost of Christmas Present… remember him? Jolly, fun: the kind of guy you’d invite to a party for the season, and the kind of beer you could bring to a festive affair and not be totally laughed out of the room by festive beer geeks. That’s the best a beer gets in this series. Now Ghost of Christmas Past isn’t a great award. You can see from the picture he can be a bit of a grump. Probably from mediocre’ beer. And best not bring a Ghost of Christmas Past Beer to a beer geek festive affair. You’ll be the limp wet noodle of the party. A Ghost of Christmas Future beer? You remember that guy, right? If you want to be laughed at, have to bring most of your offering home and feel like you’ve just attended your own funeral instead of a party, bring a Ghost of Christmas Future beer. Some Ghost of Future Beer might best serve as embalming fluid.

Written by Ken Carman

FX Matt Traditional Season’s Best

I hate apply the “don’t remember much about this beer so it couldn’t have been terrible, or great,” rule, but for the most part I do. Here’s what I do remember, maybe remember: an amber or light brown. Not highly hopped, decent head. A bit light on the body. An ale with light fruity yeast notes, at best. Not a “seasonal” according to today’s standards. But I have to emphasize: “according to today’s standards.” I’m guessing this was marketed as a “between” product: as in between Saranac and Matt’s more “traditional” market base. This was in 1989. Hey, even if this was an attempt at “craft,” for 89 this was about as aggressive as it got except for a few, up and coming, brewers and Anchor. But I’m guessing they were fishing for a wider customer base: trying to lure the old customers into the craft beer market.

I don’t know how well it sold.

At the time Matt Brewing, at the time known as F.X. Matt I believe, had just started to get into competing with craft beer. I only say “with” because, at the time, they were pretty bloody big. Kind of a minor major brewer.

I give them a lot of credit for going with a great trend rather than bucking it with smarmy attitudes and nasty, anti-free enterprise, tactics. Utica Club, Matts: the brewery, with a few exceptions, was brewing mostly Bud/Miller/Coors clones with slight variations. That’s not an insult: pretty much all brewers in America were, especially brewers of their size and bigger. F.X. Matt had just come back from Germany, convinced by a German brewer that Americans should at least try to make beer as good as the Germans.

Thus, on that day, in swaddling bubbles and head, was born unto us Saranac. In my bottle collection alone I have at least 30 styles of beer they brew, or have brewed, and I know they’ve done at least twice that. Some deserve a halo, some a thumbs up, some OK and small, small, handful: at best, a “what the… were you thinking???”

So here’s my problem: except as a conversational item you wouldn’t want to bring a bottle of this to a party of beer geeks; though not “bad” by any means. Times have changed. No Ghost of Christmas Present present can be given. But I can’t give it a Ghost of Christmases Yet to Be, because we have to understand the history, and the risk, the Matt family took back in the 80s. Plus, it wasn’t bad at all: especially for the time.

I hate giving the same “award” fr almost all of this year’s candidates, but what am I to do? I can’t give “excellent” or “stinky” to what I can’t remember all that well. I will say that, unlike Dos Equis: a large mega-brewer about to add a 7th brewing facility. F.X, one brewery in Utica, NY, was taking quite a risk back when regular east coast brewers were mostly avoiding jumping intro the craft market.

So a Ghost of Christmas Past with an extra nod at how good that past was. They have a lot to be proud of and, if you have noticed I focus on them more than others just a tad, well I think their story is one untold… few in brew world know or understand.

And, yes, I do know the folks at Saranac, personally. But if my goal here had was to promote them I would have gone with a Present present. But that wouldn’t be fair. Not that memorable.

Continue reading “From the Bottle Collection: 2 Days Before Christmas Beer”

One Bottle Collection beer for every day before Christmas. Rating system: not actually meant as a “tense” comment. All these beers either don’t exist anymore, or I tasted in the past. Hopefully, if not so hot before, they’re better now. If they do still exist. Or hopefully, if not better they’re as dead as the… Dickens.

Note: the ghosts have varied a bit over the various versions, but even Mr. Magoo’s version the Future was bleak. In the pictures chosen for this series the most visually pleasing ghost was Present.

Ghost of Christmas Present… remember him? Jolly, fun: the kind of guy you’d invite to a party for the season, and the kind of beer you could bring to a festive affair and not be totally laughed out of the room by festive beer geeks. That’s the best a beer gets in this series. Now Ghost of Christmas Past isn’t a great award. You can see from the picture he can be a bit of a grump. Probably from mediocre’ beer. And best not bring a Ghost of Christmas Past Beer to a beer geek festive affair. You’ll be the limp wet noodle of the party. A Ghost of Christmas Future beer? You remember that guy, right? If you want to be laughed at, have to bring most of your offering home and feel like you’ve just attended your own funeral instead of a party, bring a Ghost of Christmas Future beer. Some Ghost of Future Beer might best serve as embalming fluid.

Written by Ken Carman

Abita Festive Ale

Festive, why?

I used to love Abita Springs. In the early 90s I used to hang out at what was the brewery, now the pub, and have beer handed out to me from the back fridge. As the years went on they moved the brewery, and the bottling operation, and turned the cute downtown Abita Springs facility into a small capacity brewpub. At first the food was good and they had, one year, a high octane “Santa’s Helper” that kept me there way the hell too long. Not quite a barley wine, perhaps a strong, strong ale? If only they had bottled that.

This, however, matches much of Abita’s unremarkable line up since then.

Festive: a totally unremarkable ale that was, perhaps, a weak brown at best. Enough fizz, enough everything for a bland brown ale. And I hated to type it, but it’s true: that goes for most of the product line too. This was the grandfather of all the Emerald/Mississsippi/Louisiana breweries and they gave birth to so many breweries. Did the birthing poop them out, or did moving the main brewery down the road do that? They can do better. Currently they bottle an Abbey Ale that’s not too bad, and a very good 25th Anniversary beer, but still seem way to reluctant to upgrade their regular recipes. I understand: what sells is what sells. But at least try to compete a little more than one or two weak attempts?

The brew world is moving on. At least try to keep up with your kids Grandma Abita!

I think this is all because they have been through a series of brewers during all this time. Their first “child,” McGuires in Pensacola, has pretty much kept up the quality with a few minor glitches now and then. That’s because they had the same brewer for almost 20 years who developed consistency, but not afraid to improve recipes, or create new ones. Abita mostly hasn’t, and when they have the attempts have been mostly weak.

An easy to forget seasonal, just like the Ghost of Christmas Past, but the pleasing memories do remain.

Continue reading “From the Bottle Collection: 3 Days Before Christmas Beer”

One Bottle Collection beer for every day before Christmas. Rating system: not actually meant as a “tense” comment. All these beers either don’t exist anymore, or I tasted in the past. Hopefully, if not so hot before, they’re better now. If they do still exist. Or hopefully, if not better they’re as dead as the… Dickens.

Note: the ghosts have varied a bit over the various versions, but even Mr. Magoo’s version the Future was bleak. In the pictures chosen for this series the most visually pleasing ghost was Present.

Ghost of Christmas Present… remember him? Jolly, fun: the kind of guy you’d invite to a party for the season, and the kind of beer you could bring to a festive affair and not be totally laughed out of the room by festive beer geeks. That’s the best a beer gets in this series. Now Ghost of Christmas Past isn’t a great award. You can see from the picture he can be a bit of a grump. Probably from mediocre’ beer. And best not bring a Ghost of Christmas Past Beer to a beer geek festive affair. You’ll be the limp wet noodle of the party. A Ghost of Christmas Future beer? You remember that guy, right? If you want to be laughed at, have to bring most of your offering home and feel like you’ve just attended your own funeral instead of a party, bring a Ghost of Christmas Future beer. Some Ghost of Future Beer might best serve as embalming fluid.

Written by Ken Carman

1995 -Nache-Beuno?

I honestly don’t remember much special about this beer. South of the border beers tend to be fair to poor, though there are exceptions. It’s from Dos Equis. I find Dos Equis, how should I put it? Oh, “vastly over rated.” Relatively a clean tasting, yet inferior, version of what used to be a classic German Style: Vienna. What made this “Christmas?”

I’ve had decent Vienna. Dos ain’t it. And I’m not even sure what to classify this one as.

Nothing I know of. Unlike other reviews I read: no nose except the slightest hint of corn. Ya gotta “love” what they did to a classic style south the border, and this slight bounce off that classic style: if you love going see a love story at the movies only to find out the mad butcher kills everyone in the middle at the wedding.

“Seasonal?” Not spiced in any sense. There was no sense of a fresh, crisp, almost fresh hop snow like hop taste like Saranac’s Big Moose Ale. A little more malt, perhaps, but nothing that makes it “ho, ho, ho.” Certainly not ABV so high Santa burns his toes while sipping it by the fire quaff… and doesn’t notice. More than anything it’s just a slightly darker amber version of Dos without even much of a darker malt sense, a slight roast. Mouthfeel not that malty. Pours sort of brown. Good carbonation especially in mouthfeel. Clarity good. Nice head that lasts. Moderate, unremarkable malt with no hop taste. Nothing that screams out the season. All in all except to cash in on the season, why the hell did they bother?

Oh, that’s right: to cash in on the season.

Though I have qualms about its supposed seasonal nature, since it’s an OK beer, just another slightly more irritated “so what” bland Ghost of Christmas Past award. Tis better than Dos… marginally.
Continue reading “From the Bottle Collection: 4 Days Before Christmas Beer”

Written by Tom Becham for Professor Goodales

There is really no definition of the word “beerhunting” (other than a truly lame one on Urban Dictionary).  Nor is there one of “beerhunter”, though renowned beer author Michael Jackson was known by that name.

Continue reading “On the Joys of Beerhunting”

One Bottle Collection beer for every day before Christmas. Rating system: not actually meant as a “tense” comment. All these beers either don’t exist anymore, or I tasted in the past. Hopefully, if not so hot before, they’re better now. If they do still exist. Or hopefully, if not better they’re as dead as the… Dickens.

Note: the ghosts have varied a bit over the various versions, but even Mr. Magoo’s version the Future was bleak. In the pictures chosen for this series the most visually pleasing ghost was Present.

Ghost of Christmas Present… remember him? Jolly, fun: the kind of guy you’d invite to a party for the season, and the kind of beer you could bring to a festive affair and not be totally laughed out of the room by festive beer geeks. That’s the best a beer gets in this series. Now Ghost of Christmas Past isn’t a great award. You can see from the picture he can be a bit of a grump. Probably from mediocre’ beer. And best not bring a Ghost of Christmas Past Beer to a beer geek festive affair. You’ll be the limp wet noodle of the party. A Ghost of Christmas Future beer? You remember that guy, right? If you want to be laughed at, have to bring most of your offering home and feel like you’ve just attended your own funeral instead of a party, bring a Ghost of Christmas Future beer. Some Ghost of Future Beer might best serve as embalming fluid.

Written by Ken Carman

Anderson Valley Seasonal Solstice

I hate to slightly disappoint those who might expect me to be more positive regarding a craft beer early in the rise of craft to counter the even bigger dominance of AB and Miller back then, especially one trying to do a Winter seasonals few did, but I don’t remember this one in the slightest. If I hated it; I’d remember. If I loved it; I’d remember. Solution: a rather bland, unremarkable, past attempt by one of the early craft brewers.

Yes, you have to give them just an ounce of credit for doing so, but that early in craft beer I would have gone nuts over this. I didn’t. I haven’t seen this bugger for a while. Of course I haven’t looked for it. Maybe they still make it. I have read that the brewery has installed all kinds of solar array stuff and they recycle labels. The owners have changed too. One hopes the beer has gotten more impressive than this was.

So one rather bland Ghost of Christmas Past award it tis..

Without intent, I have collected well over 1,000 beer bottles since the early 70s. When something finally had to be done about the cheap paneling in this old modular, I had a choice. Tear down the walls while, oh, so carefully, replacing the often rotted 1X3s. Or: cover them with… The Bottle Collection.

Written by Ken Carman for Professorgoodales.net

Ken Carman is a BJCP judge; homebrewer since 1979, club member at Escambia Bay and Music City Homebrewers, who has been interviewing professional brewers all over the east coast for over 10 years.

The Topic: What Does It Take to be a Good Beer Judge?

My apologies in advance to those familiar with beer judging because I’m going to give everyone else a very short, admittedly inadequate, synopsis of what it takes, and what it means, to be a beer judge…. because I want to get on to the topic. Then another apology to fellow judges and beer folk if one of my suggestions offends you. At least one will be considered heresy, I admit, but I firmly believe that sometimes what was once considered heresy often becomes what understood to be common sense. Always obeying orthodoxy is as senseless as always rejecting it.

We still don’t think of the world as flat, right? Not all beer has to have just hops, water and malt: nothing else, right? For example, it wouldn’t even be beer without yeast, right?

But I’m mostly relativist, so what so I know for sure?

Philosophy aside… for those less familiar with judging beer here’s the very, very short overview of beer judgery…

Understand from the start that sanctioned beer competitions aren’t anything like Beerfest the movie. Even beer fests are usually not like Beerfest the movie. Being a beer judge is a serious business to be approached with professionalism. I tell people I’m a beer judge and they think it an easy job, even a joke. They think any test for it would be a joke too.

No way in hell is any of that true.

The BJCP test helps us learn how to be professional judges and show we know enough about beer to judge it well. How much is “enough,” and what direction should the test take? Well, that’s part of my “heresy,” I suppose.

BJCP: Beer Judge Certification Program.

It’s a very tough test where you need to know your styles backwards and forwards: and there are almost 30 styles, not including the many, many sub-styles. These: styles and sub-styles, are all very detailed as to aroma, mouthfeel, taste, appearance, gravity (Kind of “how heavy” in too simple, yet layman, terms.) …and many other specifics. Each time you take this very detailed test it will change: these sands with time will shift beneath your feet. Sometimes just different questions asked from a very large pool of questions that can change over the years both as to what the questions are and the answers. New questions have obviously been added over the years, and will be in the future, I’m sure. Sometimes the categories themselves change, and/or their definitions change: sometimes a lot… sometimes a little. What are considered commercial classic examples of the style change, I’ve seen that too.

All of this, and far more, you need to know practically like you know how to breathe.

Take it from me; a two time test taker who has sat in on other tests as well: having a photographic memory would be a big, big plus. I have been told by engineers of various kinds the test is harder than anything they took in college, and I know it’s harder than any of the tests I took studying to be a studio engineer, and English/Education major or Communications Mass Media. Or the various college programs in Science and Math I had to take since I started in Liberal Arts.

You really need to be dedicated to knowing all about beer, defects, style specifics and how to judge it. You also must know very specific information on how to brew it, which I will get to in a few sentences, for that is the main thrust of my comments in this edition of Brew Biz.

Want to know more? Start by going to the BJCP web site: that’s probably the first step in what I hope becomes a passion for you too.

Here is my problem with at least one of the concepts enshrined in both the test, how we study for it, and how that sometimes differs from what it takes to be a good judge…
Continue reading “Brew Biz: Werts and All”

Profiled for professorgoodales.net by Ye Olde Scribe

Urine colored. Hey, give your body a rest: allow it to do less processing. No need in changing the color this time! Looks the same coming out as it does going in.

The head is pure rock and ruddy near ¾ of the glass. If foam be a dance, a waltz beer Scribe supposes. Nice and clear. Hops and malt strike the mouth. Ouch! That hurt! Nah, mildly pleasant. That’s the problem: mildly. A fresh hop beer should be more striking than this. A sharp, Centennial sense with bitter but, where’s the fresh green taste? Might as well just call it an IPA and be done with it. Not bad at all for that. Smells like it tastes: some hop and some malt. Could use complexity in the malt profile. A bit of hop fruity sense in the background. Orange?

Overall not bad at all. Very enjoyable, in fact. But those who have bathed in a real fresh hop pool will be mildly disappointed.

Profiled by Ken Carman for Professor Goodales

Shiner Holiday Cheer
Shiner, TX

Honest, I have never been all that impressed with Shiner beer. To me Shiner was just another yawn fest mega brewer wanna be… until now. Peaches in the aroma and a slight nutty sense. Obvious: that is what makes this a “holiday” beer. Peaches and pecans. Nut brown, clarity excellent: white head… plenty, rocky. Peaches and slight nut to the taste with a slight sense of very light dark malt. The mouthfeel is light, yet the peaches and the nut make the mouthfeel very interesting. Very fresh sense too.

Promo material I have read claims this is a dark wheat ale. Could fool me: I got little to almost no wheat sense. That might be a downer for wheat beer fans, but not being a wheat beer fan tis fine with me. And they don’t advertise it that way on tha packaging, at least not in very large print. Being an aging ole fo, the usual eyesight problems that come with thast, I might have missed the fine print.

Tis quite the light amber ale quaff, but enjoyable.  If I were to drink this at a party I’d use this to relax with between the heavier beer that I refuse to give up any time of year, but especially this time of year, and have a few of these. I give this brew a lot of credit because it is exactly as advertised. While I prefer heavier Christmas fare, give it a try. Me thinks you’ll like.

Once again our clueless couple, Mr. and Mrs. Moron, venture into homebrewing…